Teething Tribulations

This past week has been incredibly challenging. I said goodbye to a loved one, screamed at a very small loved one, got so wrapped up in something that I missed the big picture called life, hardly slept for several nights running (teething tribulations), and now am sick.

I guess it is no surprise, to be sick after such a wearing week. Yet, as any mama knows, being sick with a little one who demands your all - when you're already worn down - is, well, shitty. Watching our backyard neighbors shoot off an air gun at the flock of crows in their tree pretty much topped off my week with the sour cherry. I refrained from asking if they were inbred. Let's just say, based on past behavior, the question would have been redundant.

I've been fantasizing about packing up and just getting out of dodge. But, what is dodge exactly? Wouldn't it just follow me around until I found the next town marked with a sign that said, "An Even Bigger Pile of Dodge :: Duh, what did you expect?"

Through all this, Little B is smiling and laughing still. Thank heavens for little girls.

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This video was taken a few weeks ago when Bronwyn had just barely turned 6 months old.

On Being a Housewife

There are certain days I love being a housewife. There are other days that I think, "Wow, this again!" But those days are more because it is a routine (which most jobs contain a lot of) and I am definitely a lover of variety and change. Either way, I am SO glad I have a choice to be a stay-at-home-mom.

The day that I made this blueberry pie for instance was pretty grand. I love expressing my creativity and challenging myself to do new things. This was the second pie I've made from scratch.
The crust was a cream cheese pastry crust, from the Joy of Cooking, and was incredibly yummy.

Diaper laundry day has a new dimensional zen to it. While not as pretty as Red Laundry Day, it was oh so satisfying to hang those wet diapers on the line and enter a contemplative space. Also, it feels good knowing that I'm making as minimal impact possible upon our mother earth.

Watching Little B on the swing for the first time, dressing her up in whimsical outfits that reflect her personality, and enjoying the world through her eyes.

These are the moments that I cherish, and look forward to more of.

Gifts to Celebrate ::

:: Mama's new hair. Oh, how I thought long hair would be easier with a baby. Just pull it up and get it out of the way. Yet, I never really felt like me while it was getting longer and growing out. Plus, those little hands love to pull it, and not so gently. I feel like I'm getting a sense of self back and this haircut is one of the first steps in that direction. Here's more great dialog about hair issues as a mama.

:: The Co-Sleeper. We started a new sleep routine with our little one (which includes only using a cosleeper for naps and nighttime) and are establishing a good rhythm. Last night, Little B slept 12 hours and woke up only twice. The first time I was still awake....which means I only woke up ONCE in the middle of the night. I had six luscious hours of consecutive sleep. The pool of milk I slept in wasn't so fun but I SLEPT. Do any of you mamas have a tip on not leaking out a gallon of milk while you sleep?

:: Working out in the mornings. The current state of unemployment with my husband means I can try and release this extra 15 pounds I've had since six weeks postpartum! After two weeks of this, I'm starting to feel stronger and more centered in my body. I'm particularly enjoying the Lotte Berk Method which makes me sore and thus stronger.

:: Blog giveaways! I am so excited to be the happy new custodian of Sew Inspired's Mermaid Mini Quilt. Little B will love playing on this with all it's great shapes and colors. The quilting looks so fun too.

Couch Potato

In preparation to give Bronwyn her first real meal (sweet potato), I learned how to sign potato. I've decided to skip the rice cereal mostly because I don't think it's really that nutritious. If I were a babe I would want fruits and vegetables. NOW. That's what little B's message seems to be telling me. That girl is ready to eat.

I also had a worse-than-your-average-terrible-cold cold which prompted Bronwyn's first experience at being.....you guessed it: a couch potato and watching that box called the television.

Actually, she watched exactly 17 minutes of video this weekend (which equalled about 17 hours of guilt for me). Five minutes of Caillou the Magnificent before she protested and told me to shut it off. Then the next day she watched twelve minutes of Word World. I swear at some point I heard her say, "Woman, where's my brewski?"

Being a single mom (for the weekend) sucked, more for me then Bronwyn. She got lots of floor time allowing her attempts to crawl. She can move side to side and backwards with no problem. The forward thing she's smart enough to avoid: she just brings the blanket with the toy on it closer to her.

Damn. Now, not only do I have to be smarter than my herding dog, but also my daughter.

Well, perhaps if I start sucking frozen kale sticks (for teething) like B, I will grow big and strong too.

Meanwhile, here's to learning from your dog and your babe, killing your TV....and maybe not to feeling terribly guilty if you watch a few minutes of it before doing so.

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This post is dedicated to Katie and Kristine; two kick ass mamas who helped ease my guilt about B's first TV time as well as offering to expose themselves to my cooties to help out. You rock!

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Update: I learned that just chewing on kale stems can give a baby gas. I wouldn't have believed it, if I didn't experience it first hand. Try small, frozen carrots instead. They work just as well.

Happy Birthing Day, Mom!

Today is the day I was born back in 1978. Thirty-one years ago my mom gave birth to her last child - her fourth child - at the very young age of twenty-two. My mother was single at the time, my father having left her and my siblings when I was about three months old inside her. I can't really get a grasp of what that would have been like. Just getting past the part about her having four kids, after having only one of my own, is hard enough. But to have four in my early twenties as a single mom! I am not worthy, Mom.

Fortunately, my mother was very close to her parents, and they gave her a lot of support. Her mother was one of the most dear persons to me in the world. Which is why I'm so elated that Bronwyn has her Grandma Jo in her life now. The friendship between a grandkid and grandparents is invaluable. I learned so much from my grandma Thelma, especially how to love someone unreservedly.

So, to celebrate the day my mother gave birth to me I woke up next to my baby girl and lovely husband - all smiles despite the fact the little B was up about eight times last night (teething time??).

We then met up with some dear friends, Renata and Ruben for coffee at Centro Espresso. They introduced us to this little hidden gem that serves damn good espresso.



My love and I shared a caramel cappuccino; think a latte with just a slight caramel taste, barely sweet.


We brought a piece of Coconut Layer Cake for them to indulge in. This cake is definitely the best coconut cake I've ever had and was made by my very dear friend, Rachel.....mistress of many things in the kitchen, garden and library.


Later in the day, to beat the 95+ degree weather, we went to the Russian River in Healdsburg. Bronwyn got her first dip in a large body of water and handled it with much grace. It was very cold water, resulting in many quick inhalations but not tears. We were happy to see our water baby at home once again in the water (she hasn't been loving her baths very much at all).



It's weird that my birthday this year made me a bit melancholic. I was excited to turn thirty but somehow thirty-one isn't as exciting, despite my many accomplishments last year (new house, new husband, new baby created, and new business). I'm still so young. Hey, I don't even have my first strand of gray hair to marvel at yet.

Anyhow, this is my brief love letter to my mom, to say having you back in my life is one of the best birthday presents ever. Thank you for birthing me. Thank you to the divine in you, and the universe, for giving me life.


Little B is also one of the best birthday presents ever. As well as her dada, who gave me a wonderful camera to show them both off with!

Luscious Apricot Tastes Upon a New Tongue

So, little B has been super interested in what we're putting into our mouths as of late. I talk to her about what is on our plates and in our glass, how it tastes, why we eat it, etc.

Her first flavor outside of breast milk was when her nana put a taste of frozen yogurt on her lips a couple months ago. I was definitely nonplussed but was trying to not be uptight about it either, reminding myself that it was put there out of love and that's all. It happened and so we move on.

Her first real taste of something came this past week when I decided to put some apricot up to her nose to smell. She was very interested in it, so I put it near her mouth. Just like a puppy, bring it to the mouth first, ask questions later (umm, if at all). So, that's what B did and here's the result.

In the end she probably got 1/4 tsp worth of apricot in her mouth. A few minutes later I pottied her and it came out with the spit up (as with many babies, B spits up when she needs to pee, or is actively peeing).

It was beautiful to watch the reactions on her face. I admit to being surprised that she took to it so well. I thought she would poo-poo anything other than my liquid gold. I hope this is a foreshadow of her upcoming foray into food.

As for more play with food, yesterday I had a complete mommy brain moment and gave her a gluten-free cracker. At the time I thought it was a great idea. It wasn't plastic; it was an uberhealthy Mary's Gone Crackers cracker (made out of brown rice, quinoa, flax, etc.). A few minutes into our fun the cracker broke. A split second later I had a realization. Oh yea, crackers break into smaller pieces. Pieces that can easily be lodged into the throat. So, of course, seconds after I was data processing all of this, B starts coughing. Super (dumb) Mommy swoops into her mouth to get out the broken bits.

(Notice the aftermath of the apricot stickiness)

Deep breath. This will only be the first of many (very stupid) things I will do. Better start learning to forgive myself now.

What to Expect When You're (No Longer) Expecting

"That's my hair in your hand. Can I have it back please, Bronwyn?" I've found myself asking this a lot in the past couple of months.

So, after I wrote my last post I realized that I should clarify further why I wrote it. I certainly didn't mean for it to be a "what to expect when you're (no longer) expecting." I know many a woman who would like to burn that book and I would probably be in line along with them, at least somewhere in the middle of the line. My intent was simply to normalize what your experience might be, not to put your expectations into a box and say this is what's coming your way!

A few other surprises I had were:

Postpartum Hair Loss. Your hair might start falling out long after your hormones change. I thought I was not going to experience hair loss afterwards since I didn't really have any noticeable change in the thickness of my hair during pregnancy. However, about three months postpartum my hair started falling out like crazy. Now, every time I brush, wash, or even look at my hair, a clump of hair stares back at me from the floor, my hand, or pillow. Gross! I've never minded the occasional hair strand found other than on my head, but this actually makes me want to shave my hair off.

Postpartum Wrist. It's actually called Mother's Wrist. I had never heard of wrist issues after birth, just susceptibility to carpel tunnel during pregnancy. I guess all the weight that's constantly being carried by your wrists can take it's toll. Even with baby wearing, it didn't seem to ease the pain that much. One friend of mine had her wrists actually give out on her from time to time so she would have to be careful when the pain flared so as to not drop her little bambino!

Postpartum Falling. What I mean is falling head over heels in love with my baby. I knew motherhood would be great. Awesome even. But I never expected to fall so dramatically, deeply and utterly in love with my baby. Nothing can prepare one for the magical experience of the love of their child. Enough said!

The Post-Partum Body: What Other Moms might Not Mention

So, I'm here to tell you a couple of things about postpartum living that may, or very well may not, be your experience. As with any beliefs, you create your own world based on what you incorporate or discard. After all, if I had believed all those horrible birthing experiences everyone tried to fill my ear with, I wouldn't have had such a magical birth. So, here's to not believing a single thing below will happen to you!

Sex hurts. Okay, call me naive, or maybe even just stupid. But, I had no inkling that sex would hurt after birth. Perhaps because my birthing experience was so gentle that I was lulled into a sense of false security. My husband and I waited 3 whole months (yes, THREE, count them, one, two, three) before we (attempted to) make love. It lasted for less than two minutes before I shrieked and said, f%$! no. Not for me. Not yet. One month later, I'm still scared to try.

It's a bird! It's a plane! Jet rockets? No, that's your butt talking. That's right, you might have a lot of gas. I don't mean just a few days afterwards, I mean months. I feel right at home next to my husband now and feel like I can out compete with him in the gas game anytime. For a while I thought this digestive delight was due to my constant diet shifts (see post about Bronwyn's food allergy). After talking to a few women in my momma's group I have found that I'm not alone. Hallelujah for this one! I'm not the only one with intestines that are still trying to remember the good old days when everything just felt right.

Ummm, you might not recognize your lovely female parts. Okay, now that I remember how I looked in my nether regions after I gave birth, I guess I am stupid for not realizing sex might at least hurt a little. After birthing the placenta and going to the bed to be examined, I told my midwife I didn't think I had torn at all. I did need some stitches (6-7?), and my midwife graciously gave me a mirror to look at my vulva and vagina. WOW! I was shocked, and nearly speechless at how I actually looked down there. I can swell that big and get that purple color and not feel like I was going to pop or jump out of my skin?!? Endorphins, you're number one in my book of heroes.

Breastfeeding can HURT. I would go through 30 days of labor if I could trade the first 30++ days of breastfeeding. As much as I love nurturing my little one this way, it has been, bar none, one of the most painful aspects of having a child. I know that I didn't have the best support around breastfeeding, and that can really make a difference. I had never actually directly observed anyone breastfeeding, so it was completely new. I also got mastitis 7 days after labor followed by thrush shortly thereafter.

I'm here to tell you that if your nipples/breasts hurt four months later, like I do, there is something WRONG. Seek help. I thought that my nipples were just extra sensitive, like my skin. Today I learned what is wrong...that white spot on my nipple is not a callous that keeps coming back to haunt me. While I did go to two breastfeeding clinics, no one ever mentioned that a white dot on your nipple means you have a plugged duct (red skin on the breast is also a symptom of a plugged duct, which I had experienced several times). I wondered why the white dot would keep getting puss-filled and I would have to drain it with a sterilized needle. Picking at a sore nipple with a needle is not exactly a highlight of motherhood. Now I know. Pick at the white spot before it gets infected and then breastfeed or pump like mad afterwards.


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With all this said, I just take one look at Bronwyn and feel like I'd go through this all a million times over just to see her smile and coo.





Pickle, you are the most precious being I've ever known. Thank you for being born, thank you for choosing me as your guardian, thank you for being so patient while I learn all about you. Thank you for just being you all the time. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

The Aware Connection - Elimination Communication

Wow, it has been over a month since my last post! This delay is definitely not due to lack of material. As any new mother can attest, there is plenty of fodder to write about... the oohs, awws, "this wasn't in the baby book" and "did she really just do that?".

Bronwyn is now four months old and I have so much I want to share that I've forced myself to choose to go with one topic, and that is....elimination communication. Also known as EC, infant potty training (IPT) or a diaper free baby.

We started practicing this when Bronwyn was two weeks old. Our plan was to wait for a bit until we got onto more firm ground as new parents, but every time we changed her, she would pee. Well, if it's going to be this easy, I thought, why not just start now? So, we did.

I feel very lucky to have been introduced to this by my friend Ambra. I saw her put her baby Sonia on the potty and thought (to be totally honest), she was crazy. As with all narrow-mindedness I had to think it was crazy otherwise I must have been the crazy one, right? Because I was initially skeptical, I also give all my friends who to come to visit a free pass to make fun after they leave.

The most awesome aspect about practicing EC is that I know my baby that much more intimately and am able to meet her needs. As with many babies, Bronwyn does very clear communication with me when she has to go pee or poop. About two months ago I had her on the potty and thought she was done. I started to lift her off, much to her complaints of, "uh, uh, uh, uh." I then put her back on and she finished going poop.

Along with getting fussy when there's no other explanation, the other most obvious sign is when Bronwyn goes on and off my breast several times during breast feeding. About two weeks ago she did this and proceeded to sign "potty" to me. I never would have believed my eyes if my husband hadn't been a witness and affirmed what I saw as well.

Bronwyn has gone pee outside at many venues, including at the beach and in the Golden Gate Park (watering some redwoods), and over adult-sized potties at several restaurants, stores, and friends' homes. At first I was shy to potty her outside the house, but once I did it, I felt that I was ridiculous for caring in the first place. I mean, would I not breastfeed her if she was hungry? It's also been reaffirming to belong to a mom's group where at least half the women do EC as well.

Another highlight about EC is that I don't have to clean poop all over her back, legs and bum. I truly believe that reactions that parents have when they're doing this leads to issues that children have about themselves and their bodily functions (can we say constipation...). Besides, with everything changing all the time with her body, celebrating herself and her body's natural functions is exactly what she needs right now. Yahoo for pooh!

If you interested in learning more, I highly recommend the DiaperFreeBaby site as well as Chrisine Gross-Loh's book, The Diaper Free Baby.

Putting Aside the Looking Glass

Many believe that when one falls in love, they are actually falling in love with themselves. Thus, the gestures, behaviors, habits, etc. that you find so charming about your loved one, are ones that most closely resemble your own, or what you want to be, have or do. Never have I found this to be more true than when one falls in love with a newborn.

The first thing that admirers (especially older women) look for in my baby girl is what traits most resemble her father, her mother - or if they're related - themselves. Depending on who is doing the observing, Bronwyn has my feet, my eyes, my profile, her father's eyebrows, his hair, his expressions, and her grandmother's hands. Funny, I thought she had her own.

No really. When I look at my newborn I see a creature who is uniquely herself. She has the most delightful smile, that I'm sure could melt any iceberg and speed up global warming even more. The sounds she makes are nothing short of a master composer, creating each note as though she were on stage conducting the universe to expand in a series of beautiful and delicate movements.

Her physical features might resemble something in me, her father, or beyond, or not. After all, She has my DNA, her father's DNA and her ancestor's DNA. But for right now, I am more than happy to put aside the looking glass, and observe how life itself unfolds on its own. With ample love, gentle encouragement, and nurturing from the sidelines.

The Case of The Mysterious Green Poop

Ahhhhhh, big yawn!

It has been almost two months since I last posted. What in the world happened? Well, I've become a mother!

Reflecting on the last seven weeks, a lot of that time has been focused on poop. That's right poop. I don't say this because I've had to change a zillion diapers, which I have.

What I mean is that my little baby girl has had mysterious green poop. Little did I know what life can be reduced to when you have a newborn who is extremely uncomfortable and can at times be unconsoled. Poop it is! I hit the books, so to speak, and tried to find out what was happening in that tiny body.

In brief, the story goes like this. Woman gives birth to baby girl (subject of a later, and much longer post). First week is heaven. Bliss. Sublime. Actually, those words fall very short of what amazingness was experienced during and after birth. Next four weeks are, well...how do I describe this...spend some time in hell and that might sum it up.

Not to say that I wasn't still having those terrific, amazing feelings. I was. I was also quite despondent that my little one had what classified as colic, which very roughly translates to a crying baby that cannot be consoled for hours on end. In hand with colic, was the passing of over 15 stools of green, mucousy, or bright green stool every day. For those who are unschooled, this is a lot of poop even by baby standards.

During my time in hell, I jokingly said I was ready to throw the baby out the window. (That was the darkest joke I could think of to make me feel better...really, I never actually felt that way.) I was prepared to do ANYTHING to help my little one feel better. Turns out, it was energetic medicine (BodyTalk) and cranio-sacral therapy that brought us out of the dark side. I truly can't say enough to parents with even moderately fussy babies. This saved my new family's sanity more than anything else. It was like we went back to that first week of sublime, falling head over heels in love with the most beautiful creature ever to exist on this earth.

Now that I'm back in the babymoon phase, I can say those four weeks were brief (thank god) and probably a rite of passage into motherhood. Before I knew it, my baby was smiling, cooing, gurgling and just being a hollywood babe. The babymoon phase is in full force. When else could someone breath out a booger on your breast and you find it charming and adorable? Why else would you go from being a true and complete foodie to eating only six things (okay, eight including salt and pepper) and still function in the world?

Also, fortunately, the last few weeks have been filled with the typical breast-fed-mustard-yellow-white-curd-poop, with an occasional green surprise. Nope. No details spared here.

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Funny, I thought I was 'human' again after those weeks passed. After rereading this I'm quite sure I might actually never be quite 'human' again. It's okay because I am so in love with a beautiful creature blessed to us.