Thursday, January 29, 2009

Seven and a Half Years of Loud Silence

So, yesterday I finally did it. I 'talked' with my mom. It was a one-way conversation, with me writing and posting a card, expressing myself as clearly as possible.

The need to contact her has been brewing for quite some time, and has peaked during my pregnancy with a whole new set of questions entering my realm.

I had been vacillating this past month about just picking up the phone and calling her, yet I never willed myself to do it, for fear of having anything negative come up at a such a sensitive point in my life right now.

With my due date coming and going, going, going, I started to wonder if I was holding on to anything. I welcome this baby with open arms, so why is she/he not arriving?

Yesterday I decided to pull an angel card and let them speak. 'Family' was the card. This card had many meanings, one was a new addition to the family, and another was 'It's time to face old feelings so they can be released and cleared' and 'the first person that comes to mind is the person'....As some of you know, I've worked on forgiving my mom this past year quite steadily. It hasn't been an easy journey. Often I would have one memory that would come up and my anger would arrive like wild fire.

My quest with BodyTalk has helped me to learn that forgiveness is really forgiving yourself more than any one. Carolyn Myss' book, Anatomy of the Spirit, was another very useful guide and companion in my quest. I finally integrated what forgiveness really is, enough to understand that I do forgive my mother, fully and completely.

So, emotions poured yesterday and the procrastinated deed has been done. I feel very clear and still.

Hopefully this will inspire someone else out there to face a difficult situation they are having in their lives with honesty, openness, and love. Nothing is impossible, no matter how dark, ugly and awful it may seem.

Light enters, at some point, always.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

Jennifer - I truly love you and I'm so thankful that you are in my life. You are beautiful.